As many of you may have heard by now, Brian announced during our main services yesterday that my wife and I have decided to move...to a different position at Frontline. (Ok, I admit that I was being slightly manipulative in the "title" to drive up traffic to this post). 

On February 21st, the Leadership Team at Frontline voted to create a new position called "Intergenerational Pastor" and have asked me to fill that position. The job's purpose will be to create an intergenerational discipleship strategy from "cradle to grave" while leading adult discipleship and overseeing Frontline's ministry staff for children, students, and young adults.

Here are a few reasons why I'm excited to take on this new role at Frontline:
 

1. This approach to ministry deeply embodies the values of Sticky Faith, a movement from the Fuller Youth Institute, who are passionate about developing long-term faith in all generations. 

2. This decision has been created by the Leadership Team at Frontline. In my experience with issues pertaining to Sticky Faith, strategies like this don't work unless the senior leadership is on board with these decisions. It's also been my experience that it's very difficult to get senior leadership on board to "disrupt" the traditional way of doing age-segregated discipleship in the church and instead provide a more cohesive discipleship strategy that spans all generations. I'm thrilled that Frontline is willing to take the risk.  
 

3. This isn't a movement to become more "multigenerational." (Read the post "All Churches Are Multigenerational - Few Are Intergenerational.")
 

4. In the process of deciding to take this position, it became very real to me that my passion for students hasn't gone away. I believe in students today more than I ever have. I'm thrilled that I have this new opportunity, but don't have to say goodbye to the students that I've come to deeply love over the past 4 years. While we are in the process of hiring a full-time Now Generation Pastor (6th-12th Grade) who will oversee the daily duties of Student Ministries, I get the privilege of overseeing the "big-picture" of discipleship with students, while continuing to learn from them regularly.
 

5. We have brand new people coming to Frontline every single week, and I'm very excited to be a part of directly overseeing how new and returning adults are getting connected, equipped and discipled on a daily basis. 
 

6. As part of this new role, Frontline is hiring a full-time receptionist and ministry assistant for Brian and myself. (Can I get an AMEN!?)

Some are you have been asking when this transition will take place. While we don't have a final "date" set, we are shooting for a June 1st transition. In the meantime, if you'd like to get a better understanding of Frontline's history with Intergenerational Ministry, you can download the free ebook "Why We're Unashamedly Intergenerational" HERE.

Today I attended the funeral of a 91 year old man. From what people shared, he was an amazing man. A gentle man. A humble man. A family man. Since 2002, this man suffered from Alzheimers and his daughter, a wonderful woman from our church, became his full-time caretaker. Since 2007, he was confined to a wheelchair and required 24 hour a day care from his daughter and her husband.

As family and friends shared about his life, a common theme was raised: The movement from being cared for to being the caretaker. This woman, the very person who he raised as a baby, became the very person who would look after him for the last few years of his life. It became very real to me that one day I may likely become the caretaker of my mother and father. And it also became very real to me that my one year old son could likely become my future caretaker.

What struck me was the relationship between this man and his daughter. This man loved his daughter. When she was younger, he would stop whatever task he was doing in order to be the kind of father that was always available to show love. He was always there for her. In the end, she stopped whatever task she was doing to show him love. She was always there for him. 

The relationship between my mother and father is no different. They've always been there for me. They've always loved me and they've always supported me. Thankfully, at this point in their lives, they're still very healthy. If I were presented with the opportunity to be their full-time caretaker, I would have no reservations to take care of them. But I wonder if my motivation to care for them comes from my experience of being cared for by them? 

It occurred to me that Isaiah will most likely take care of me however I choose to take care of him.   

I wonder if we would parent differently knowing that one day our children might parent us in the same way we parented them? 

I gave "birth" to the most recent kidney stone mentioned in these chronicles on December 24, 2011, at 10:30pm. This is a detailed account from my first emergency room visit (12/18/11 at 9:45am) to passing the stone. 

Thursday, December 27th at 2:30am I passed a second stone almost 3 times bigger than the 1st stone. (For more information, see Update 5). 

Many of you have asked how I'm managing my latest round of kidney stones, so I figured the only natural thing would be to blog about the experience. 

An important caveat:

This will be rather detailed. Kidney stones are weird. They form in strange places and they come out of strange places. There's no easy way to talk about kidney stones without dealing with some other topics. They deal with kidneys, and bladders, and urine, and urethra's, and blood, and well...you get the point. That said, if you're easily grossed out, easily offended, or want to send an email about how disgusted you are, this is your opportunity to stop reading. :)

For those of you who are still reading, welcome to the kidney stone chronicles... 

Update 1:

I've had 5 kidney stones. Many people ask if they're really as painful as people make them sound. Yes. Without question they're the most painful things I've ever experienced. Some would consider it equal to the pain of childbirth, but you'll never, ever, hear me compare the two. I'm not that stupid. :)  What I do know is that they're awful. In a conversation today, somebody described them as sea urchins. Round, jagged, crystalized sea urchins making their way out of an area that was never made for sea urchins to come from.

Sunday, 9:45am 
This kidney stone in particular is the worst I've ever experienced. And it came out of nowhere. My wife and I had just finished singing during our church's 1st service. As I sat down, the pain hit me like a brick. At first in my lower abdomen. It felt like I needed to take a massive dump (or "bowel movement" for the politically correct). As I sat there, I realized this was a different sort of pain. I could literally feel the pain move from my lower abdomen, round my "love handle" and rest on my lower back. I instantly knew what it was. Kidney stone pain is unforgettable. It's terrifying and it's horrific. I sat there wondering how I was going to tell my wife that we were probably going to have to go to the emergency room. It didn't take long before the "sweats" hit. I sat in my chair at Frontline squirming in pain and praying to God that it would end. It didn't. It only got worse. At that point, sweat was dripping from my forehead and before I could lean over to my wife, she looked at me and could tell something was wrong. Apparently my face was white. Concerned, she asked, "Are you ok?" I whispered that I had kidney stone pain. Her face went blank. She asked if I was going to pass out and I told her I wasn't sure. I knew I needed to get a drink and cool down, but the pain was so intense I think it took me 5 minutes to decide what to do. Finally I stood up and almost immediately fell over. I was drenched, like I had taken a shower with my clothes on. I walked briskly out the back of the church and went to Frontline's cafe to get some water. Megan followed me out. We went to my office and Megan prayed for me. After some discussion, we decided we needed to go to the emergency room. Megan found someone to take care of our son, Isaiah, and we left. 

10:15am
We got to the emergency room entrance and were greeted by a police officer asking if he could help. Knowing I would probably fall over, I asked him for a wheelchair. I went to triage and explained what was wrong. I remember everybody behind the counter laughing with each other, cracking jokes about how painful kidney stones are. I sat there annoyed, but feeling completely helpless. At that point, it felt like my kidney was contracting violently. It forced me to take short, intense breaths, which I was convinced was going to force me to run out of oxygen at any moment. I was in a room before Megan even parked the car. (I realized that if I could choose a time to get sick in Grand Rapids, it would be Sunday morning. Everybody else is in one of the 700 churches in the city, nowhere near the hospital). They told me I would need to give them a urine sample. I'd been through the routine before. I changed into my cute little hospital gown and stammered into the bathroom. That's when things got really strange.

I peed straight blood.

There was hardly a hint of urine in it. It was dark red. And it stung. I stared in disbelief and almost threw up. I later found out from one of the nurses that my urine sample had the highest concentration of red blood cells they'd ever seen. It's funny what goes through a man's mind because I remember wishing I had my phone on me so I could take a picture. I walked back in my "room" and wanted the nurse to see what I had just "endured", almost like I was proud of it. She saw the sample and looked straight up at me. "We need to get you on an IV drip immediately," she said. I laid down as she put the IV in and almost instantly felt the "whoosh" of dilaudid. (Dilaudid is basically generic morphine). It couldn't have been more than 20 seconds before my head felt like it was on fire and was no longer attached to my body. I was completely stoned within a matter of moments. The severe pain almost immediately went away, but I remember being scared. This kidney stone was different than the others. Usually it was a gradual build up of pain. This one, I went from completely fine to urinating pure blood in a little more than 30 minutes.   

11:15am
A radiologist brought me back to get a CT scan to see if it was, in fact, a kidney stone. I remember having a conversation with him about my tattoos, which led to him finding out I was a pastor. I remember going in and out of sleep during the CT scan and being woken up abruptly by a computerized voice telling me to hold my breath. (Why that voice needs to be louder than a concert baffles my mind!) After the scan, the radiologist brought me back to my room. I remember the dilaudid wearing off and my mouth being completely dry. I was desperate for water, and it felt like I was going to choke on my tongue. I asked 6 different times before I found out they wouldn't let me have anything to drink until the results from the scan came in. In the meantime, the pain came back. Hard. I got another dose of dilaudid and my head floated away from my body again. An hour later the doctor came in with the results. "Well, you've got a kidney stone, but I'm probably not telling you anything you didn't already know. It's a large stone, but we think you can pass it." They told me it was half way down my ureter (not my urethra - those are two different "organs") and that it would just be a matter of time until I passed it. When you hear "just a matter of time", it does something to your psyche. I thought to myself, "Good...the next time I pee, I'll pass it." It's sort of like the disciples thinking Jesus would return immediately after He ascended. They walked around believing He would return any day. Little did they know, it would be more than 2,000 years later and He still wouldn't be here. (Although, I'm sure Harold Camping has something to say about that).   

Update 2:

2:00pm
Megan and I returned home and I remember being exhausted laying on the couch. I wasn't in pain. I was just mentally and physically exhausted. Before I left the hospital, doctors gave me little strainers to pee in, (I call them "pee colanders"). I grabbed it and went into the bathroom fully expecting a rock to fly out of my body. Nothing. It was discouraging. Really discouraging. At that moment, I knew it had the potential to be a long ordeal. I sat back down on the couch and the pain came back. Megan went to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription for my pain medication. In the meantime, I was drinking as much as I possibly could. In 30 minutes, I drank a 1/2 gallon of pulpy orange juice. Megan returned and I took a vicodin. Within 10 minutes, I threw up from the pain. (In case anybody's wondering, pulpy orange juice creates nasty barf). With my head in my hands, I felt like crying. It was in that moment that I realized how amazing my wife is. Without complaining or grumbling she came over, grabbed the barf bucket, and cleaned it out. I sat in disbelief at how much of a servant she is. I wanted to give her a kiss, but I was pretty sure my barf breath would discourage her from kissing me back. From 4:00pm (Sunday) to 4:30pm (Monday) I had no pain. That's the thing about kidney stones. It doesn't hurt unless the stone is moving. And at 4:30pm on Monday, it started to move again. 

Monday, 4:30pm
I was working in my office when the next wave of pain hit. It came slower this time, but throbbed nonetheless. A student ministry small group leader stopped by my office with one of the students in her group, and they prayed for me. We had friends coming over for Supper, so I rushed home to meet them and immediately took a vicodin. We joked about the previous day and probably made the same kidney stone jokes the people at triage were making. I laughed this time. We went out to eat and had a great time. The pain was there, but it wasn't unbearable. Until 8pm. 

8:00pm
The pain got worse and worse as the night progressed. I took a vicodin and the pain didn't go away. I took 3 more and an hour later the pain was worse than before. I remember sitting on the edge of our couch thinking that I couldn't take another moment of pain. I felt like collapsing, thinking it would never end. I wanted to cry, but I didn't even have the energy. The pain is strange. It's not a sharp or a dull pain. It's something completely different. It feels like a wound is being torn open and a long metal prod is constantly being jammed into your lower back. The pain is no larger than one square inch at a time. When it feels like it can't get worse, your kidney contracts. Over and over again. For hours. I took the hottest bath of my life because Wikipedia told me it would probably help. It didn't. Instead, it made me feel like throwing up again. At 10:00pm, two of our closest friends (Josh and Kate) came to our house as we discussed the possibility of going to the emergency room again. I avoided it as long as possible, until I called a nurse at the hospital who told me I needed to come in immediately. It was midnight (Tuesday morning) by then.  

Tuesday, 12:00am
Josh and I arrived at the hospital (looking a lot like Cam and Mitch from Modern Family, ironically). This time they were busy. Really busy. After an extended wait, I finally got a bed. In the hallway. Yes, the hallway. I never made it to a room that night. Everything they did happened right in front of everybody. At one point we could hear the doctor prepping a patient for a Spinal Tap. That would suck. A nurse gave me an IV. He missed my vein 3 times. The good thing about the situation was that my tattoos came up in conversation again and we ended up talking to the guy about Jesus. I guess if all it took was a guy missing my vein 3 times but got to hear about love of Christ, it was worth it in the end. He gave me dilaudid and my head fell off my body again. (I swear, it's the craziest feeling!!). At that moment, I realized Josh would not be my 1st choice to bring me to the emergency room again. Not because he was a jerk. In fact, he was quite the opposite. It was because he was "acting" like he was playing Angry Birds on my phone while secretly taking pictures and videos of me the entire time. As you can imagine, he took some pictures of me when I wasn't exactly at my best. (Josh, I still love you, but just wait...I'll get you back!). In the meantime, I became so loopy that Josh and I had an argument about what the nurse's name was. I thought it was Ryan. He thought it was Alex. It was Seth. I think Josh was sneaking some dilaudid, too. The doctor eventually told me what I already knew - there's not much they can do. Even though it's a big stone, it's got to come out naturally. They gave me another dose of dilaudid (this time my head fell off and I couldn't find it). Josh went to get the car and I threw up about 5 times. At 3:00am, I was discharged. We went to CVS and got a new prescription, (the woman at the pharmacy had to have thought I was a pill pusher because I could barely walk). I got home, threw up a few more times, fell asleep and didn't wake up until 12:30pm. I went the rest of Tuesday without pain, until I woke up at midnight on Wednesday in severe pain again.

Wednesday, 12:00am
I woke up in intense pain again, then took a pain pill and stayed awake until 5:30am watching reruns of Bob Ross on PBS. That guy blows my mind. I fell asleep until 7:30am and was pain free all day, until right now. 

Wednesday, 10:30pm (Current time of writing)
I'm sitting here in immense pain. Medication's not really helping and I'm tired. Really tired. Megan thinks it's weird, but I've got a running tally of how many "unsuccessful pees" I've had. I'm 0 for 25 right now. At this point, I am desperately praying for this thing to be gone. I've gone 5 days before passing a stone before, but not with this kind of intensity. Megan asked if I was sick of drinking fluid all the time. I told her I'm not sick of drinking all the fluid - I'm sick of drinking all the fluid with no results. I wouldn't necesssrily say I'm discouraged. I think I'm still the same fun-loving Matthew Deprez I've always been, but WOWZERS is this taking its toll on me.

So...if you're the praying type, I would covet your prayers for this to be done soon. Really soon. Hopefully the next time you'll hear from me, I'll be 1 for 26...

Thanks everybody. 

Update 3:

Friday, 2:00pm

I'm 0 for 32 right now. I have, however, managed to be off pain medication for almost 24 hours, though. That's really nice. I've debated a few times whether or not to take the medication, but anybody who has been on narcotics like Dilaudid know that they're highly addictive, and I'm afraid of that. I've only taken the pain killers if they're an absolute necessity. I live in the constant fear of the pain coming back, though. It's almost all I've been able to think about for the past 5 days. Just that alone is probably more exhausting than the actual pain. 
 

Yesterday I was convinced I was going to pass it. I had severe pain in my lower abdomen which was unrelenting. I thought that maybe the stone had passed from my ureter into my bladder. Megan and I were Skyping with my parents when the pain hit. (Mom and Dad, if it seemed like I wasn't really myself, that's why). Nothing so far. Not even an inkling of abdomen pain since last night, but moderate pain has been in my right kidney the entire time. Megan's still been amazing since Sunday morning. I've been useless to her all week and I feel terrible. It's times like these that I realize how blessed I am she chose to marry a guy like me.
 

I had a dream that I passed multiple stones last night. I remember 3 or 4 of them being bigger than marbles. (Uh...). I was so excited in my dream when they passed. I remember calling many of you guys and telling you the whole ordeal was over. When I woke up this morning, it was crushing to my spirit. God and I had a long conversation. I feel like God has been reminding me of one thing this entire process: The fact that Sir Isaac Newton figured out there was a law called "gravity." Eventually, the stone has to go south. (Thank God I'm not currently on a moonwalk. That would be a bummer). 
 

For all those who have prayed for me since Sunday, thank you. If the prayers mean that I can be pain free for almost 24 hours, I'll take them. If you could keep praying, that would be amazing. I keep thinking to myself that I could easily be 1 for 33. Much love to all of you.  

Update 4 (w/ picture of stone as a friendly warning): 1 for 39!!
 

Saturday 2:00am

I managed to go the rest of the day Friday without taking pain medication. It was a relief because I wasn't in pain, but it was frustrating because I knew it was a matter of time before the stone started to move again. After a week of intense pain with no "results", it starts to make you feel like you're crazy. You start wondering if there even is a stone inside you. At some points I felt like people thought I was probably just making it up.


My sleeping pattern is so messed up because of this stone. This week I went to bed earlier than 3:00am only one time. Even then, I woke up at midnight and didn't fall back to sleep until 5:30am. I attempted to go to bed at 2am, but severe pain in my back hit me right when I laid down. I felt paralyzed, emotionally and physically. I woke Megan up to tell her I was in pain again and she graciously offered to go downstairs and get me some pain medicine. I finally fell asleep around 4:00am. That was the last pain i experienced from the kidney stone. 

I noticed some pain in my lower abdomen in the early afternoon on Saturday. I didn't really think anything of it because my stomach was wrecked from all the medicine in my body over the past week, but my mind started playing tricks on me again. I thought that maybe this was the day where I would pass it. I was already well past my previous "record" of not passing a stone for 5 days, so I figured it had to pass soon. I felt great the whole day cooking 12 quarts of New England Corn Chowder, (yes - you're jealous), and had an amazing time at our church's Christmas Eve service. It was packed with tons of new faces and tons of changed lives. I probably had too much adrenaline to feel any pain.

Megan and I left the Christmas Eve service and went to our friend's house to feast on the homemade corn chowder. I went to the bathroom (0 for 38) but definitely felt something very uncomfortable by the end. (That was an awkward sentence but I didn't know another way to word it. Let's just say I could have gotten way more detailed). Based upon my past experience with actually "passing" the stone, I would have bet the lottery that I would be 1 for 39. I chugged 3 large glasses of cranberry juice and 2 large glasses of water and just waited until I had as much fluid in me as possible. I actually drank so much fluid that I felt like throwing up because I was so bloated.

Eventually the time came where I was ready to end the whole ordeal.

I went to the bathroom (like I had 38 previous times since my first "pain") and out it came, like a rocket - the biggest stone I've passed to date. Over 5mm of sharp, jagged, crystalized sea urchin. Sounds weird, but I just stood there and stared at it. In perspective, it's so tiny, yet it caused excruciating pain (and enormous medicals bills). It makes no sense that something so small could make a grown man fall on their knees and want to weep. After my period of ADD staring I thanked God the whole thing was over, I cracked the bathroom door and yelled to everybody in the livingroom: "1 for 39! It's over!!" They may have been the most liberating sentences I've ever uttered. I went through the proper procedure of cleaning the stone after capturing it in the "pee colander" and put it in the "sample container." (For those of you who think that's super weird or wondered if I "fished" it out of the toilet, you're not crazy for thinking those thoughts). Doctors ask kidney stone patients to do anything they can to collect the stone "post-passing" to analyze whether it's uric acid or calcium. I didn't fish it out of the toilet, but I probably would have. I simply caught it in a micro-mesh strainer that doctors gave me. That said, I'm not going to make a plaque of it, (although at this point it was pretty tempting to entertain the thought). I'm simply going to hand it over to a urologist so he can do the proper testing. I walked out of the bathroom and was immediately greeted by Josh (yes, the same Josh who was secretly taking pictures of me in the emergency room) taking a video on my phone asking to explain the "good news." We took a short video, then I texted many of you (complete with a picture) saying "1 for 39!! It's a Christmas miracle!!" Next were the Facebook and Twitter updates. I'm so thankful for all of you who are reading this. The hundreds and hundreds of views to this specific blog post since Wednesday have proven how much you guys really care for me, (or you're just super weird and want to hear about a guy peeing out a rock). I was so excited to announce to you guys that it was finally over and that your prayers were not fruitless. 

So, to close...I figured a picture of the stone would be in order. Thanks again for all the support and prayers you've shown this week. It means so much to me. I will be able to enjoy Christmas morning without thinking of how I'm going to pee out a sea urchin. 

Here's the picture next to a dime for perspective.  

Update 5
Tuesday, December 27th

Well, I was hoping that "Update 4" would be the final update, but the saga has continued. Since I passed the stone on Christmas Eve, I've been relatively pain free. I say "relatively" because every once in a while I would get a strange pain in my lower back where it had previously been. I assumed it was the lingering effects from the previous stone doing damage to my kidney/ureter, so I didn't think much about it. I mentioned the pain to Megan multiple times by saying, "My back still hurts. Not sure why the pain hasn't gone away, but it's still there." I was afraid I would be annoying, so I didn't mention it very often, but it was definitely noticeable.


Well, I found out why...  


I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom around 2:30am, so I did. As I "started", I was struck with massive pain. It was very quick, and it was very intense. Immediately I felt like falling over. I literally couldn't see anything for a moment. The bathroom went completely black. I remember having to put my hand against the wall so I didn't fall over. When I regained my senses, I saw it. It was a massive stone. It was probably 3 times bigger than the stone I passed on Christmas Eve. I couldn't believe it. I did cleaned the stone the way I had cleaned the earlier stone and woke up Megan. She was half out of it. If she was mad, she didn't act like it, which was nice. She was shocked just like I was. The emergency room doctor said I only had ONE stone, not TWO! When our family doctor opened up this morning I called and ask them if they could tell me the results of the emergency room CT Scan, just to make sure I wasn't crazy. Sure enough, the scan came back with one stone in my right kidney and none in my left. The doctor told me there was a possibility that there were multiple stones which didn't get picked up in the CT scan. He said that stones have a tendency to break apart as they "make the trek south." So...I'm waiting. It's got to be unlikely I'll pass another stone, but who knows!? I've had no pain today, which is awesome.

So, in good "kindey stone chronicle" fashion, I took some more pictures. These ones are intense. (Here's your option to not look again). :)

It's a bit blurry, but I've called this one "The Arrowhead" for obvious reasons. (The original stone is on the left). 

Again, a bit blurry, but this one really shows the perspective of how much bigger the second stone is. I've called this one "Mt. Everest." (Again, for obvious reasons). We should have a caption naming contest. Any thoughts? :)

Thanks for praying. I hate that I'm "2 for 50", but I really don't want to be "3 for 51." Much love to all of you. 

About a year ago, a friend of mine asked why I choose the word "intergenerational" over "multigenerational" when I reference generations coming together in churches. That's a great question! I responded by saying, "All churches are multigenerational. Few are intergenerational." 

The difference is simple, yet crucial. 

Intergenerational ministry is like the shuffle button on iTunes. There's an "intersecting" of generations.  

They're not merely in the same room. They've walked across the room to talk to each other. They know about each other. They're deeply invested in each other's life. Intergenerational ministry is when a senior in high school prays for a senior citizen in a small group, or when a senior citizen calls a college freshman to let them know they're loved and missed. It's when each generation knows the other's name. Or when a crisis happens in a high school student's life, they know they can count on an adult to listen.

Multigenerational ministry is like the repeat button on iTunes. There's no intersecting of generations.

They're all in the same room, but each generation is avoiding each other (intentionally or unintentionally). They're walking around the room but not across the room. Multigenerational ministry happens when children and students are sitting in the same Sunday morning service as adults, but neither of the generations have talked to each other. Nobody knows more about the other generation than when they started the service. It's when they don't know about each other's passions and hobbies or their separate struggles, hurts, and pains.  

I don't want to diminsh the concept of being multigenerational. I was recently presenting on this concept, and a person commented by saying, "In some churches getting adults and students in the same room is a great 1st step." I totally agree! It's important that they're in the same room. All churches will, at some point, have various generations in the same room. It may be a potluck, sunday morning service, outreach event, funeral, wedding or even a student ministry program with adult small group leaders. It's not difficult to get different generations in the same room. The difficult task is to get generations speaking to each other. Deeply invested in the other generation's life. Accepting differences. Realizing similarities. Relying on each other and praying for each other. 

As your church processes intergenerational ministry, are the different generations in your church walking around the room or across the room?

Read more thoughts about Intergenerational Ministry here.